Archive for the ‘breastfeeding’ Category

It’s late, and I should be sleeping. But it’s one of those things, sleep or personal time. Op-cost. Some days I just decide to forgo some sleep and catch up on things like checking email and blogging. Not very material things at all, but it just gives me a sense of having personal time – something I really don’t have a lot of. I’d love to have time to exercise, to go for dance, to watch a movie…but when I think of what I give up my personal time for, raising Asher, it’s really worth the sacrifice.

Time is flying. My maternity leave had ended late March and I had applied for three months unpaid leave to take care of Asher. There’s no one else to care for him, and I really didn’t want to put him in infantcare too early. But these three months feel so short! My leave is evaporating really quickly, and 1st July (my back to work date) is fast approaching!

This period has been, and while it lasts will still be, such a precious, precious time for me. I’ll never get to devote so much time to Asher again, and the thought of the spending so much time away from Asher when I go back to work is something that saddens me. I guess I’ll need weaning from him as much as he’ll need weaning from me when he starts infantcare. Someone also shared that when her baby started infantcare, she felt that there was a distancing in her relationship with her baby, simply because her baby was learning to be more independent. I guess when you send your kid to infantcare, you’ll have to deal with separation issues earlier. I do hope that even though Asher goes to infantcare, our bond will stay strong and intimate.

I’ll also miss all the time spent breastfeeding. I haven’t had the easiest of times with breastfeeding, and it’s been a labour of love. There’s been, and there still are, some difficulties with breastfeeding, but overall it’s totally been worth the effort. I may not get much time on my own (if any) away from Asher, but I appreciate how I have to stop and take time every now and then to just be close to him, to pause, to reconnect. And especially now that he’s more interactive and aware, I can joke with him as he feeds. I love how he’ll unlatch every now and then to give me a huge smile and show off his gums, and he’ll even add a laugh or chuckle, then latch on again to continue feeding, all the while looking into my eyes ;) He also likes explore my face with his hands as he nurses. It truly warms my heart to think that he really likes me and feels a close bond with me.

I’m not sure how long I can continue breastfeeding after I start work, but I hope to keep up at least the evening feed for as long as possible. I have to remind myself not to feel any guilt should it not be possible to breastfeed him any longer. I’ve already reached my goal of breastfeeding for at least 6 months. Anything more is really a bonus. I will remind myself not to feel guilt, and not to let people guilt me.

I’ve done my best, and I think so far, by God’ grace, I’ve done a pretty decent job. But really, I always remind myself that doing my best is all I can do, and everything else is up to God. Afterall, I am only a steward of Asher. Asher, you belong to the Lord!

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Free time to blog has been almost non-existent these last few weeks. When I do find some spare time, sometimes all I want to do is have a lie-down, or just stone in front of the telly.

Anyway, why has life been so busy? For a while Asher had some eating problems. He’d nurse a while then stop and cry after a couple of minutes. It was incredibly difficult to get him to eat! He’d want to latch on, then he’d stop and cry, as if in pain. He might be teething! He’s been displaying the various symptoms like drooling (lots and lots), diarrhoea, and difficulty with eating (which could be due to pain from the pressure of the emerging teeth). Was quite concerned about his milk intake and weight gain during that period, and kept praying that he’d be ok. Praise God! He’s continued to gain weight, and the difficulty eating seems to have gone away (maybe used to the pain? or no more pain? I have no idea). I’m so thankful he’s better cos it was really tiring trying to get Asher to eat, and heart-wrenching too cos he really really wanted to eat but couldn’t.

Just as Asher’s eating got better, I fell sick! One morning I suddenly woke up with chills and ended up with a high fever. At it’s worst it was 39.9! Thank God Jon was able to take half-a-day’s leave, and then my mum managed to take some time off to help take care of Asher. I was really fatigued! Just sitting up for a little while made me light-headed and very tired. So I spent a few days recovering from that. Poor Asher must have been wondering why I wasn’t playing much with him.

Anyway, while there were some busy/frustrating times, it’s also been a fun few weeks. Brought Asher out quite a few times when I wasn’t ill. I (ironically?) find it easier to bring Asher out and roam around than to find time for myself. I guess cos when I’m out with him I’m still caring for him and it’s still ‘us’ time, not ‘me’ time. ‘Me’ time in the day only happens when he’s sleeping and when there’s no other chores to do in the house – a rarity as any housewife/stay home mum will know. There’s somehow always something that needs to be settled at home. So, going out is fun, but it just delays my doing the home stuff. And you know how it goes…things will pile and there’ll be more stuff….etc etc.

I’ll still wanna update my blog with some of the outings we had so look out for some posts that’ll be backdated (I just like it to be in chronological order lah..humour me) :)

Although I’ve been busy, it’s been immensely rewarding as well cos Asher’s been such a dear. He started laughing! :) And he just laughs at more and more things everyday! I really think he’s got a good sense of humour. I’m so addicted to his laughter, especially when he breaks out in chuckles! He’s also becoming more and more chatty, chiming in when Jon and I are talking, having ‘conversations’ with my mum, etc. What fun!

(24 Mar 09) Postnote: I’m all up to speed now!

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